Vocal Artillery

All the animals

05 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment

by vocalartillery in Having been fucked is no excuse for being fucked up.

When you end up alone, the only person left to blame is yourself.

Obituary

09 May 2011 Leave a Comment

by vocalartillery in Having been fucked is no excuse for being fucked up.

I will go down in history as your lover.

Petrichor

09 May 2011 Leave a Comment

by vocalartillery in Having been fucked is no excuse for being fucked up.

To love is to be alone.
For maddness seeks only those strong enough to fall not with
their heart.
Passion is for the weak.
To desire is to be alone with your thoughts.

It seems only natural
for me to love what I cannot
have
and desire what feels nothing
back.

This is no life at all.

A Penny For Your Thoughts

09 May 2011 Leave a Comment

by vocalartillery in Having been fucked is no excuse for being fucked up.

Close your eyes. Stop everything. Don’t even breathe. And then..when the pounding in your head and your lungs is too much, and because you were demanded to take a breath from the pain…think of it. That act, the simple gasp of air you forced into your lungs….that’s it. You can’t make your heart work, you can’t force your muscles to function. The only part of your life you have any control over, is to breathe.

So here I sit…breathing at a rate I’m sure is abnormal for a human, and all I can think is….is this it? Is this the only form of control I can have in my life? I’m at a loss. For so long, I have labored under the delusion that my life was in my control. That the choices I make are what will keep me going or not…and then I lived.

Sadly, I have lived these past years of my life still assuming I just needed to change this descision. I needed to advance here, and stop pushing things so hard elsewhere. But now…where I sit, 23, and not a reachable goal in sight…I can’t help but feel my life as walked on without me.

There is power in words, a power I cannot, for the life of me, harnass. They escape me when I need them the most, and overpower me when I wish they would just leave me alone. And still, they are all I have left to hold on to.

My words, to re-live the things I never knew I would miss. Those years when I knew a mother and a father as one. The years I learned that love was not all that you need. The years of young when my sisters were my bond. We loved so deep, sometimes you couldn’t tell us apart. There was passion in our eyes as we dug through the play clothes box, fire in our hands as we sculpted lives out of sand in moms old kitchen pots.

And then, without thought, nor control, we were all grown up. We went on, to what we thought would be bigger and better things. We found love, and pain all in the same area. And then there was that first big mistake…the one that would haunt you the rest of your life, and then there was that….that boy who showed you love. That father who never gave up on you. The jobs you lost, and the lives who left you.

So, today….I miss you like hell. I miss what I never knew I had. For a minute I can’t breathe, and oddly, it excites me.

With as much passion as my heart will hold, and with my eyes to capacity….I wish, I wish I could do more then just breathe.

I want to see you again…

09 May 2011 Leave a Comment

by vocalartillery in Having been fucked is no excuse for being fucked up.

Seduce me.

I fall in love

with your words

and die

by your actions.

If heaven were next to hell

my breath would be on your window.

The tears from my heart

on your doorstep.

And I, next to you,

but a thousand miles away.

Looking into your eyes

for what I know isn’t there.

I hear them….

the past…all of the ones to

taste your skin

know your pain

and see mine in them.

Would you stay?

Quiet, it’s over now…

your heart rests

elsewhere now.

Ellipsis

09 May 2011 2 Comments

by vocalartillery in Having been fucked is no excuse for being fucked up.

“It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach, feels like your heart stopped beating, feels like that dream you know the one when you are falling and you want so desperately to wake up before you hit the ground but its all out of your control, you cant trust anything anymore, no one is who they say they are, your life is changed forever, and the only thing to come out of the whole ugly experience is no one will be able to break your heart like that again.”

I could write you a novel of the things I wish you’d see in me.

I can paint you a picture of the hours I’ve spent thinking about you…without you.

There is still a faceless man still in my dreams. I’ve seen glimpses of him. He’s tall, and handsome.

I watch Cinderella just to feel like a princess.

My life is filled with justification…

for giving away the little pieces of my heart, I know I’ll never get back.

My pot is missing its lid…

My socks are unmatched…

and my bed is still cold.

Lead Goose

13 Jan 2010 Leave a Comment

by vocalartillery in Falls apart.

Today, while I was standing outside, I watched the ‘V’ formation of geese fly by overhead. As you probably know, this has been proven to be a efficient way to fly, due to the uplift the goose in front of the others creates.

This struck me as odd. Imagine being that lead goose? She has to work the hardest, to break the wind down for the ones behind her. Thankfully, in nature, they have created a form of relief system that helps them to bear the weight as a group.

As I stand here, feeling like the lead goose, I feel the desire to slip back into the group. My wings are tired, my heart rate has increased, and my ability to break down the ‘wind’ in front of me is lessening. I rack my brain for my ‘gaggle’ that is behind me, the one that will relive me from this position of leadership and strength. I just want a break. I just want to take a minute to go with the flow, to breathe.